anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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