at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
