If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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