I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
