I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
