He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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