I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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