Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
