I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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