the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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