Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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