someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
