i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
