just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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