I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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