Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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