I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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