He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
