I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
