this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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