ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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