Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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