i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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