what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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