I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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