They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize