Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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