Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Say something about gay babies.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
