walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
