I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
