Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
