i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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