Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
