You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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