I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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