The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
