Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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