Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
