yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
