Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
