well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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