areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
