She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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