1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
