I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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