I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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