why didn't you poke me back
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
