some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
