suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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