Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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