my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
