I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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