I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
