I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
farters have to be the big spoon...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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