I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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