Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
