you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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