dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
