you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize