break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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