i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
