he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dignity is for republicans.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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