a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
