have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
