I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
