Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
