What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
