My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I supernannyed him into submission
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
