i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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