I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We have started to decorate penises.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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