the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
BRING THE BAGELS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
