Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
