it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
