Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
