I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
