I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
