Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
