I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
