okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
