He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
