I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
