I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
