there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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