he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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