just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
