I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
