Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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