I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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