a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my poor anus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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