Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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