I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
false alarm, still single
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
