i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
