Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
