4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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