yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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