i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
