Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize