oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
