dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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