Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
