My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
