do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
